My Rebuttal: Are you Really Mom Enough to Homeschool?

This past week the author from The Homeschool Diaries posted about being "Mom Enough" to homeschool.  While I'm sure her intentions were good, I came away from the article feeling quite overwhelmed and honestly feeling like maybe I was not mom enough to homeschool my kids, which is just silliness!  While some of her points might be valid, they are definitely not truths.  While her homeschooling world might look like her questions, I have some criteria of my own that might better quantify if you are "mom enough" to homeschool your children.

Do you love your children unconditionally?  To the point you want to give them the best you can offer? If yes, move to the next question.

Are you able to follow Harry Wong's teaching advice of "Steal, Steal, Steal!" There is NO NEED to stress about reinventing the wheel, someone has probably done it before. Google it, steal it and do it! If yes, move to the next question.

Are you looking forward to spending your days in jammies and sleeping in until your kids wake up on their own? If yes, move to the next question.

Are you looking forward to taking whatever field trips or family vacations you want because you are not confined to a school schedule? If yes, move to the next question.

Are you ready to enjoy the excitement in your childrens' eyes when they learn something new? If yes, move to the next question.
 
Homeschooling does not have to be stressful or complicated.  If the day is not working out so well, stop.  There is always tomorrow.  There is no time minimum of completion.  Do what you can when you can and enjoy it!  Who says you have to do school when your toddler is screaming from the potty?  Wait until they take a nap!  Enjoy your children, God has given them to you as a blessing!

Lent Let Downs

Sigh....We are almost half-way through Lent.  It has not been at all what I thought it would be!
 
I must admit, I had dreams of conquering Lent.  Despite the advice to take it easy, I was going to be at EVERY SINGLE SERVICE!  I just knew I could do it.  I'm super mom right?

Yeah, about that....

I was beat down by the first service.
 
The Canon of St. Andrew.  (not cannon)

It's about 2 hours long. 

Did I mention that Josh was working each night of the services the first week?  So it would be me and the kids by ourselves (and all the wonderful and helpful people at church). 

What was I thinking?  Keeping a 1 and 2 year old happy for that long?  I finally heeded the advice and decided to take Tuesday night off.

The Presanctified Liturgy went well. It was neat to see the transformation of the Liturgy.  I couldn't help but look up when we were supposed to be prostrating so I could see what Father was doing.  I LOVE all the added symbolism!  Plus, I knew there was food afterwards, who doesn't love a good church meal?! 

Then the next glitch, family in town.  Not exactly the type of service (The Canon of St. Andrew) you want to bring your non-Orthodox family to visit.  It's a great service, but it is intended for those participating in Lent and would mean very little to those who are not.

Now Josh and I are going out of town.  We are able to catch an Akathist at a Greek church in Charlotte.  It was beautiful.  We were alone... it was quiet!  The Priest was so kind and had such thought provoking words to share after the prayers. We missed the Sunday of Orthodoxy service, I was very sad about that.  It's a good thing it happens again next year!
Though it is the Lent season, Josh and I were celebrating our Anniversary, so now it was party time!  We had a blast celebrating, but it was very hard coming back and entering back in to the solemn attitude of Lent.  On top of that, I got sick....no services for me.

Then comes Protestant Easter.  Do what?  We're celebrating Easter, but not really.  I just got so mentally and spiritually confused!  How can I be happy about the Resurrection when I am just beginning the journey leading up to His death? 

Now the kids are starting to get sick.  My family RARELY gets sick, and of course, it happens during Lent, the time that I am trying to go to church as much a possible to learn about this Lent thing.

Then I get frustrated about the way I spend my time.  Since my meals are simple, I don't have as much prep time, so sometimes I even have a moment to myself.  Do I think first to spend that time in prayer or reading the Bible?  Nope.  Reading a book or to Facebook I go.  It's not until the time is up and it's time for a chore that I remember, duh!  I should have been praying!

Some of my meals are getting a little bit boring to me.  Repeating the same meals week after week does little for my pallet, but I think that's part of the point.  I don't plan to change the meals, I want to learn to deal with the monotony and focus more on Christ.  It could be much worse.

And then there is tonight, I got all dressed and showered (a rarity for me home without a spouse), only to have two sick children after naptime.

Sigh....

No Akathist for us.

I didn't pout. 

But I have been put in my place.  Humility....it's one of the first things we are supposed to be working on.  Apparently I needed a lot of practice with that one.

I am accepting the fact that I can't make it to every service and am thankful that there are people at church praying for me.  I am learning to be thankful for the opportunities that I do have to worship with my church family and to pray at home. I'm not perfect and I can't do it all. It's a good thing this will all happen again next year, and the year after, and the year after, etc.
 
Sunday marks the half-way point.  Amazing.  The Priest in Charlotte asked us rhetorically how our first week of Lent had gone.  He acknowledged that we might have made some mistakes, missed services, forgot about fasting, etc.  He also told us not to stress about it.  Pick up and move on to the next day and start all over again.  So that's what I plan to do.  Even if Lent isn't going the way I envisioned, each day is a new start!

Forgiveness Sunday

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I am a jumble of thoughts tonight.  It has been a very busy, stressful, and filling day.  My heart is overflowing, but I know I am going to collapse! 

Just a typical Sunday morning Liturgy can wear me out. 

I'm pretty sure Sydney ate her weight in M&M's today as her treat for going potty 100 million times (not including all the failed attempts.)

Julianna continues to suffer from "pewitis."  A complete and utter frustration to be in or anywhere near a pew.

Praise God that Abby is so cute that people are begging to hold her, I'm not sure what I would have done without so many people coming to my rescue!

After fueling up on carbs and coffee after church, Josh and I dropped the 5 little monkeys off with their Godmother and went to join several of the folks that we will be running with in next weekend's race.  Our team leader organized a nice and challenging workout for us throughout UNC campus.  Running I have down, arm strength....lacking.  At least I wasn't at the back of the pack.  T minus one week until the race.

Then off to celebrate with our friends the Chrismation and birthday of our newest convert...And wash off all of our sweat in preparation of Forgiveness Vespers. 

This is the point of the day that I started getting nervous.  Josh and I have not yet experienced a full Liturgical year in the Orthodox Church.  So much of the time, we have NO idea what's coming.  I've read about Forgiveness Vespers.  I know there will be lots of hugging and people. Not ideal for an introvert, but I know it's something I need to experience. 

Church does not start off how I had planned.  My two middle babies are protesting service.  Julianna, because she always does, Sydney because she hasn't napped all afternoon.  I think I had to leave service 5 times right away.  Don't my babies know I am trying to prepare my mind for what's to come?  Can't they let me just stand and listen?  I am already in tears before any forgiving has started...and also thinking about how I'm going to need to start by asking forgiveness of my 2 yr.old with all the thoughts about her rolling around in my head.  Thankfully, my two oldest are diligently working on the notebooks I put together for them to work on during the many services during Lent.

I notice right away a change in the service.  The curtain of the iconostasis has been changed from it's typical white to a dark crimson color.

The Priest and the Deacon are in dark purple vestments.  There are no bells on the censer.  Once the evening Prokeimenon is read, all of the tones turn to a mournful minor key. 

*Sigh*

I am finally able to listen and focus.  I am reminded of all that has lead up to this point.

Humility.

Repentance.

Love.

Forgiveness.

This journey has already been a roller coaster of emotions.  Just looking back through the last few weeks I see the beauty of how our preparations have been laid out.  One could not have approached tonight's Forgiveness Vespers without having an attitude of humility, repentance and love. 

We close the formal service by reciting the Prayer of St. Ephrem while doing a series of prostrations:

O Lord and Master of my Life, take from me the spirit of sloth, faint-heartedness, lust of power, and idle talk. (prostration)

 

But give rather the spirit of chastity, humility, patience, and love to they servant. (prostration)

 

Yea, O Lord and Kind, grant me to see my own sins and not to judge my brother; for Thou art blessed unto ages of ages. Amen.  (prostration)

 

Julianna holding her service book, prostrating herself

 

After the Vespers had ended, Father offered a brief explanation of what was coming next.  Starting with himself, we were all to say to one another "Please forgive me, a sinner."  I love how he takes the time to not just explain, but demonstrate for us (especially us first timers, although I still had to ask my Godmother what to say before it was my turn!).  Then he explains the proper response.  I must admit that I would have said,"I forgive you!"  But, Father reminds us that only God can forgive, our proper response is to say the same, "Please forgive me, a sinner."  Father, standing in front of us all, starts the process and asks forgiveness of us all and then bows before us.  Truly humbling.

 



We all begin with Father and add ourselves to the chain once we have asked forgiveness of everyone in line before us, then we stand like a receiving line, all circled around the Nave, asking forgiveness of those passing in front of us. 

I had no idea how I was going to react.  I began with Father, barely able to speak above a whisper.  It's not easy admitting you are sinful.  I watched my daughters moving bravely down the line ahead of me.  "I can do this!"  I think weakly.  Every so often I would reach a dear friend and my eyes would flood with tears.  It was a completely moving experience to go around and individually ask forgiveness of each and every member of our church family. Not just that, but also watching my sweet daughters do the same. Even little Abby was acknowledged and asked for forgiveness.  I was flooded with emotions. It is completely humbling to confess to everyone that you are a sinner and need forgiveness. It equals the playing field. All of us are completely sinful, there is not one who is better than the other, and we all are in need of forgiveness.  Our Deacon summarized the point of tonight's service so completely on Facebook tonight,

 "Forgive me, a sinner. Forgive me *because* I’m a sinner. Because I’m connected to creation and, thus, my sins contribute to the fracturing of it. Because the evil I introduce into the world affects you. Because there is no such thing as private sins. Because my sins – even the ones not aimed at you and that you will never know about – are, therefore, sins against you. So, yeah, for all that: forgive me, a sinner."

As we closed out the service my heart was completely full (and my arms were extremely tired, I do not recommend doing pull-ups and then holding a baby for an hour afterwards!).  I feel so refreshed, yet exhausted at the same time.  I have no idea what I am in for these next few weeks, but I cannot think of a better way to start!

Forbid them not

Wednesday night Vespers is always interesting on the nights when my husband, Josh, is working.  It would probably be easier to stay home, but I have been programed since birth to go to church on Wednesday nights.  I just can't help myself! 
Tonight was no different.  Typical madness trying to get my kids to stuff down some dinner before we head out the door.  Making sure everyone is dressed, changed and mostly clean.  Cramming all 5 in their appropriate car seats so we can "make it to the church on time" (you must sing that in your head to the tune from the song in My Fair Lady) 
Phew...
We make it to church, each kid assigned to a bag to carry in and where to put it.  Running in as fast as I can to set down a baby or two before Sydney reaches the candle stand to light her candle.  Venerating and trying to get in a mindset of prayer before Vespers.
It was all going so well...
Then Sydney looks up at me, legs spread wide apart with a look of desperation in her eyes "Go potty, Mommy!"
I sigh in frustration.  Whose idea was it to potty train a kid?  It's really just more work on me!  I guess that since she's walking funny she must have already wet herself a little bit.  As we are walking down the isle to leave the Nave, she starts pulling down her pants.  Lo and behold, there is NO diaper on that child!  She has peed straight down her legs!
We go to the bathroom to let her finish her business, I distract her from the candy room where she typically gets her treats, and head to the changing room to get her a diaper.  I then proceed to find and ask if her best friend, who is also two, happens to have a change of pants in her bag.  Alas..no.
So for the entire service, Sydney is worshipping with no pants.
As I am doing my best trying to keep my kids from distracting other during Vespers, Father takes his seat in the choir rows as he sits to listen to the evening's readings.
I love Father Nicholas, he looks just like Santa.  He has such a sweet spirit and is always so nice to my kids.  In his role as Priest, he is putting on the role of Jesus for us. 
Tonight was the perfect symbolism.
As soon as he sits down, Sydney looks up at me and ask, "Sit with Father?" 
I look down at her bare legs and diaper tushy and at first respond with a mental "no."  I have never witnessed anyone sitting with the Priest before during Vespers, he always sits by himself.  But not wanting to cause a scene, I let her run over, I figured at worst he would tell her "no" and send her back.  But what does he do?  He places her on his lap and uses his Epitrachelion to cover her bare legs.  He has a huge smile on his face and listens to her jabber for a moment and reminds her to be quiet.  They sit together for a few minutes in, what looks like on Sydney's face, bliss.
I really wish I had had a camera.  It was absolutely precious. 
And then I thought of this verse "But Jesus said, Suffer little children, and forbid them not, to come unto me: for of such is the kingdom of heaven"  Matthew 19:14
I could totally see Jesus doing the exact same thing.
I really love how in the Orthodox church children are not seen as a hindrance.  As my Godmother said their noise is "Holy noise." 
We are all working together in our church body to grow closer to Christ. 
Thank you Father for giving me just a glimpse of what it might have been like to be in the presence of Jesus.

Meatfare: The Sunday of the Last Judgment

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When I think of the Last Judgment, the first thing that comes to my mind is lots of fire and torment.  I imagine an angry God casting people to hell.  Imagine my confusion as the focus of today's Sunday school class and sermon is Love. How can those two concepts, judgment and love, possibly coincide?  Can you really say them in the same sentence?  Apparently you can. 

 

Our Gospel reading today comes from the book of Matthew chapter 25 verses 31-46.  In this passage Jesus explains the final judgement.  He will separate the sheep and the goats.  He talks of how the "sheep" fed the hungry, gave drink to the thirsty, took in strangers, clothed, and visited the sick and those in prison.  Confused, the righteous ask how they could have possibly done all of these things to Christ Himself.  To which He further explains that "inasmuch as you did it to the least of these My brethren, you did it to Me." (verse 40).  He also goes on to tell the "goats" that because they did not do these things they will go away into everlasting punishment, but the righteous into eternal life. 

 

So when we are considering the Last Judgment and what criteria are used, Alexander Schmemann, in his book Great Lent, says the criterion is this,

 "The parable answers: love- not a mere humanitarian concern for abstract justice and the anonymous "poor,"  but concrete and personal love for the human person, any human person, that God makes me encounter in my life.  This distinction is important because today more and more Christians tend to identify Christian love with political, economic, and social concerns; in other words, they shift from the unique personal destiny, to anonymous entities such as "class," "race," etc."

 

At this point in our pre-Lenten journey we have been guiding our hearts to be more humble and repentant.  It is now at this point, laying the selfishness aside that we can turn our hearts towards Love.  Once we get "ourselves" out of the way, then we can truly look to the needs of others and act lovingly.    It is no accident that our journey is placed in this order.  Today, Meatfare Sunday,  also marks the last day we eat meat until Pascha.  Vassilios Papavassilou points out in his book Meditations for Great Lent, "We abstain from food not simply as an exercise in ascesis, sobriety and self-control, but out of love for others."  He goes on to give an example of how we have budgeted a certain amount of food for ourselves, but by fasting we have extra money leftover.  Instead of spending that money on ourselves, we give that excess in alms, to those who have no food. 

 

This is not merely a time of solitude in a spiritual journey, but a time where all of our efforts should not be just for ourselves, but for the love of others.  Fasting has no point at all if we are not learning to love others in the process.  Schmemann also states that,

"Christian love is the 'possible impossibility' to see Christ in another man, whoever he is, and whom God, in His eternal and mysterious plan, has decided to introduce into my life, be it only for a few moments, not as an occasion for a 'good deed' or an exercise in philanthropy, but as the beginning of an eternal companionship in God Himself." 

Am I really thinking eternally when I serve others?  Or is it just a momentary mindset where I segment my acts of service from my family life, my work life and even my free time.  This is not just a Lenten idea here.  This not something that I can make a priority in my life for the meager period of 40 days and hope to have pleased God.  This is an eternal commitment and an "about face" change of attitude than can only spawn from an intentional beginning.  Do I really Love  others, the way that God wants me to love them?  It's not our choice who we are going to love and how much.  Christ lays His directions out for us.   Papavassilou  explains, "We will be judged above all by our love--real, practical love--a love that is manifest in deeds and in sacrifice, not a timid, cowardly love that never dares to take a step beyond feelings and sentimentality."

 

There is only one more week until the official beginning of the Lent season.  With as thought provoking as the past three weeks have been, I can only imagine what is headed my way.  I have finally gotten over the mental stress of "what are we going to eat if we can't have meat," to a better understanding that it's not about the food.  I'm actually looking forward to having a simple meal plan for a while and being able to dedicate my time on things that matter more, like prayer and service.  I am really looking forward to seeing what God has in store for me during this time. 

 

I will leave you with one final thought from Alexandar Schmemann,

"And, finally, we know that however narrow and limited the framework of our personal existence, each one of us has been made responsible for a tiny part of the Kingdom of God, made responsible by that very gift of Christ's love.  Thus on whether or not we have accepted this responsibility, on whether we have loved or refused to love, shall we be judged.  For 'inasmuch as you have done it unto one of the least of these My brethren, you have done it unto Me...'"